Dr O'Neil and the Historymen edge through to the Plate final

Results & Match Reports

This week we whittled the remaining Plate contenders down to the 2 who will contend the Final next week.

At the Red Lion the Historymen edged passed the Brains of Oak (35 to 26) - and at the Fletcher Moss Albert capitulated to Dr O'Neil (28 to 32). 

So next week's finals will be:

CUP:         Griffing Braggarts v St Caths at the Griffin

PLATE:     Dr O'Neil v Historymen at the Red Lion

...whilst Brains of Oak (as Lowest Scoring Plate Semi Final losers) do the honours by setting the paper for the 2 finals.  On the way home from the Fletcher Moss last night I bumped into Gerry Collins (whose Brains have now finally been completely knocked out) and he promised a Bingo quiz for next week - so finalists be warned!

Quiz Paper Verdict

Setters this week were SouthWest.  It is hard to sum up the paper in a few words but let me list some of the thoughts that crossed my mind as I listened to Albert and Dr O'Neil being put to the test in the Fletcher Moss:

• an excellent botanical round (Round 7) with real specimens carefully pinned to cards - I fear the front gardens of Chorlton have taken a hammering on our behalf - sadly the website version of the paper has had to borrow 2D pictures from the internet to stand in for the real smelly, limp things provided by SouthWest

• some outrageous questions about Streets in Chorlton and Lakes in the Lake District which were definitely aiming to trick the teams (Round 2 Questions 7 & 8)

• another really good SWMCC crossword round (Round 4)

• a good brainteasing question (that verged on the sneaky) about a league-founding football club that has left the league this season (Round 1 Question 2)

• an excellent - though fairly tough - quotations round (Round 6)

• a shameless reference to the setter in the question about The Appalachian Suite (Round 5 Question 4)

• a muddle of Labour Browns (Round 8 Question 1) - it's Gordon NOT George as was given as the answer on the question paper

• a 'place in order' question where the order in the question was already the correct order (Round 5 Question 6) - sneakiness again?

• quite the best question format of the season (Round 1 Questions 7 & 8) asking for Latin versions of football chants to be translated back into English (using the Beckham tattoo as the pretext for the question)

So, as you can see, it was a real feast from the sublime to the ridiculous to the downright unfair.  The main enjoyment factor at the Fletcher Moss was the anticipation in seeing what was coming next.  Although the aggregate scores were on the low side (61 & 60), and the paper took a while to get through, I think it earns 10 out of 10 for fun.

The Question of the Week

After all that my 'Question of the Week' award has to go to Round 1 Question 8 whose answer raised the biggest round of guffaws I've yet heard this season (though I gather at the Red Lion there was some debate about the merits of what they claimed was pure dog latin):

 Beckham has “Septem est perfectum” (“Seven is perfect”) tattooed on his arm.  Which well-known football phrase rendered in Latin is “Quis comedit omnia crusta”?

 For all the week's questions and answers click here.

Fr Megson

Ballyboke Boa Vista v Carrauntuoil Lost Wanderers Cup Final Report 

(You're probably wondering what's happened to our Reeks correspondent of late.  Well. good news!  Back from his tireless efforts to get knocked out he has managed to snatch a few moments to pen his thoughts for us this week.  And in between explaining to customers that delivery within a week for 90% of most items posted IS a first class service he has found time to compile his version of the perfect quiz.  It's presented below to help next week's finalists limber up before their big outing - sorry but you can't help it after a few minutes reading this stuff)

A Chairde, 

Both these teams easily qualified for the final on the controversial lowest scoring beaten semi-finalists rule as indeed did AC Milan who were subsequently disqualified for being just a little bit too Italian and flash for their own good.

Ballyboke won a closely contested and bad-tempered toss and elected to play downmarket and down-wind of the outside Gents in the first half.  Unfortunately this proved to be their last success of the evening and they subsequently failed to register a score.  Team mentor Fr. Megson was disconsolate but philosophical:

"It's no big deal", he opined.  "When I were a lad I never seemed to score at Seminary discos and it was much the same thing during my time at the Hawthorns.  I remember telling young Lee Hughes not to worry overmuch about being a useless pisspot; strikers are only human after all and you can't expect them to score every season, and, to be fair to Lee, he hasn't.  I think my team done brilliant to get to the Cup Final.  To get through an entire knock-out competition with only 9 defeats says as much about my lad's failure to understand the rules as it does about Fr. O'Donely's psychotically surreal organisational skills.  Marvellous."

Both teams later attended a boisterous and sporadically lewd presentation ceremony and Fr. Ferguson (miserable auld git) was on hand to throw the "Lifebuoy Perpetual" Shield at the winners.  The worthy losers were each given an ultimatum to do better next season or bugger off and find another pub as well as their very own sample-sized can of "Lynx De Luxe" deodorant which will be greatly valued by their respective spouses and indeed by their cuddlesome sheep.

Attached is a random selection of perfect questions.  Sorry, Sassanachs, they are a bit on the cerebral side, but have a go anyway.  There's no shame in scoring nul points for the second time in a fortnight.  To view the answers simply stand on your head and click over there. 

 

PERFECT QUESTIONS FOR REEKS QUIZ FINAL

(Sponsored by Arbeit Macfry of Dingle & Duisberg)  

Q1:     Which former president of the USA is famous for saying “I cannot tell a lie” and for having trouble with    his ill-fitting roughly hewn wooden dentures? 

Q2:     Name the short lived Supergroup formed by Robert Plant, Mick Jagger, Joe Cocker and Python Lee Jackson that had a massive number one hit in the 1970s before succumbing to the usual cocktail of Sex and Drugs and Sausage-rolls. 

Q3:     What cataclysmic event of 1914 caused Lord Grey of Fallodon to pessimistically say: "The lights are going out all over Europe”? 

Q4:     Which Scottish born Protestant reformer and Rangers supporter wrote “First Blast Of The Trumpet Against The Monstrous Regiment Of Women”? 

Q5:     Who inspired Abba’s classic song “Dancing Queen”? 

Q6:     If you live in England and have babies, whether you planned them or not, where do you have to write to if you want money to feed and clothe them and buy them cough mixture and the odd sweet? 

Q7:     Which rock star was born Benedict Aloysius RoRo? 

Q8:     Who in July 1966 famously said:  “They think it’s all over -  it is now!!”? 

Q9:     On what day of the week was Sheffield Wednesday FC formed? 

Q10:   Which singer became known as “The Force’s Sweetheart”? 

Q11:   During the media ban on Sinn Fein members using their own voices when interviewed, who was used by the BBC to dub the voice of Gerry Adams? 

Q12:   What instrument is traditionally used in Spain to execute criminals when they deserve it? 

Q13:   What dramatic event in world history was predicted thus by Nostradamus:

 “In the season of three Popes

Eleven tractors shall rise in the East

And crush the Gooners against the ropes

With garbled Bob, son of Rob, their anointed High Priest.”?

Q14:  Who was the first person to become a millionaire by appearing on ITV’s “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”? 

Q15:  Which actress became infamous for pumping up the volume by wearing a specially constructed bra for her role in “The Outlaw”? 

Q16:  Who invented the bicycle? 

Q17:  Which famous calendar is named after Pope Gregory XIII  (1502-1585)? 

Q18:  Why did the citizens of Hartlepool recently hang their Lord Mayor? 

Q19:  In Britain an incoming Prime Minister traditionally signals his/her willingness to form a Government by kissing which part of the Monarch’s anatomy?

Q20:  England has over the years shown an anally retentive predilection for fighting against countries which begin with the letter “I” (for Igloo).  Name any 4 of them. 

 

and  THE PERFECT ANSWERS

Q1:     Bill Clinton

Q2:     St. Winifred’s School Choir

Q3:    Burnley’s victory in the FA Cup of that year 

Q4:    John Noakes 

Q5:    Tor Andre Flo 

Q6:    Washington DC (the Bush Baby Department) 

Q7:    Brian Ferry

Q8:    Jimmy Greaves

Q9:    Tuesday (the first and only instance of forward planning being used within the club) 

Q10:  Marc Almond 

Q11:   Graham Norton 

Q12:  The Carrot (Julio Inglesias records are only used for Basque terrorists)

Q13:  Ipswich Town winning the FA Cup in 1978 

Q14:  Chris Tarrant

Q15:  Thora Hird

Q16:  Sir Walter Raleigh

Q17:  The Pirelli Calendar (he was formerly Cardinal Alf Inge Pirelli)

Q18:  Because he used to be a monkey and so was Peter Reid

Q19:  The Hands (Tony Blair was officially  castigated for getting this wrong in 1997)

Q20:  Iraq; India; Iceland; Ireland (extra time being played) and of course ‘Itler’s Germany