Results & Match Reports

The main headlines come from the league's basement this week:

• A miracle occurred down at the Red where the failing Opsimaths managed to best the kindly old lady, that is Ethel Rodin, and break the Opsimathic duck for the season

• Snoopy's cantered home against Albert - Albert is now the only pointless team left in the league

• Fifth Finger visited the Albert Club and inserted their collective digits seeing off the challenge from the Park

• High drama at the Fletcher Moss where St. Cath's hung on to their 100% record by the narrowest of margins against the Pigs.  Our St Caths correspondent writes:

"The game had it all - dramatic substitutions, 2 QMs, wild guesses, an ever changing lead, and occasional outbursts of wrath from Messrs. Heale and Taylor.  With 2 questions left we led by a point, and as nobody on either team had a clue who any of S Club 8 or the Secret 7 were that was how it ended, slightly anticlimactically."

• Unfortunately X-Pats couldn't raise a team and so had to concede their match against Stumped

Thus as we approach the quarter way mark St Caths, Fifth Finger and the History Men are level at the top with maximum points.  This situation could go on until December 10th - but then something has to give as the History Men and St Caths clash that evening.

Quiz Paper Verdict

This week the paper was set by the History Men.  It had a distinctly different feel from the papers we've had in the last few weeks.  Most of the rounds were themed but the touch was suitably light and the tenor never shifted from one of general knowledge.  When themes are executed like this it adds an enjoyable extra dimension without sending the thing all 'nerdy' - so thank you History Men.  The round I enjoyed most was the book round based on the BBC 'Best Read' programmes.  There was also an interesting and diverse picture round.  The scoring in our game went reasonably well until everything came to a grinding halt in Round 8.  We were set up for a close-ish finish with all results still on, but between us we could only muster a single point over the last 8 questions.  We were saddened and somewhat worried by the setters' apparent interest in S Club 8 ("who they", Ed?) and the forenames of Enid Blyton's Secret Seven - underlined by the setter's insistence that Susan and the dog, Scamper, were NOT to be counted.  Always a giveaway that 'NOT' in capitals in the answer, showing that the setters are indulging themselves rather than the competitors.  I prefer it when the last pair of questions are really challenging 'tip of the tonguers' rather than a pair of 'ho hos'.  Anyway I'm carping too much - overall it was a fine paper.

For the record the average aggregate score was 64.8 which was the lowest (just) so far this season and the actual aggregates ranged from a very low 57 at the Red (Opsimaths & Ethel) to a pretty high 73 at the Albert Club (Finger & Park).

The Question of the Week

Despite the quite unacceptable knowledge required to answer it correctly, my vote for Question of the Week goes to (Round 8 Q5):

If Cassius Taylor is No 26 and Arthur Chatto is No 16, who is No 1?

(by the way I am told that Ivor himself is number 18,896,345 on the same list)

Click here for the answer to this and all the other questions and answers from this week.

Fr Megson

Letters from Dusty & Mike

A Chairde,

I have been inundated by a letter from Dusty and Mike (who likes to be called "Buffalo" in his more climactic moments) Springfield from the Albert quiz team.  They are asking when they can reasonably hope to be in receipt of their first points of the season.  Well Dusty and Buffalo, I posted them out to you some time in mid October along with Evelyn's emergency vodka and tonic vouchers from the Distress Fund so they should be with you one of these Wednesdays in the not too distant future.  Mind you, some of those long-haired Trotskyite apologists who pose as postmen, and who seem of late to be infesting our erstwhile apple-pie (just as Mrs Bush used to bake), God- and Mammon-fearing bourgeois quiz league in ever increasing and alarming numbers, have downed tools again recently.  Up against the nearest wall with them, I say, sorted; but does anybody listen to reason these days?  Not bloody likely!

Well David Davis does I suppose - so you might not get them until next season.  Or the season after that.  Or never, as the case may be.  Who knows?  I only work here.  What do you want me to do?  Weep?  I suppose you think I have a bloody vocation for sodding customer care just like that pious, parboiled, carrotty, goody-twoshoes Father bloody Almighty Megson.  Get real.  Look at the time.  It's nearly midday and I've been chained to this desk since 10.55 am (my bloody bus was late again but try telling that to the superannuated goose-stepper in high heels we've got for a manager!). There's no way I'll be able to find time to eat at lunchtime and it's doing my stomach ulcer no good at all.  I'm in perpetual agony here but I have to soldier on.  Just how do they expect me to get to the canteen and spend two hours in the pub when they only give us a measly one hour lunch break.  Bet the bloody Union rep never brings that up at conference.  More interested in pole-dancing poxy firemen they are than in decent working-class heroes like me and David Davis.  I often wish I'd never left that abattoir in Kilmacow where I used to work.  At least they gave me some credit (and some overtime) there for having homicidal tendencies.  So stop bloody whingeing and let me get on with my life.  I do have one you know.  Unlike some people I could mention.  Bloody quiz teams!

I do hope this prompt and measured response reassures you Dusty. Try and get some sleep now and take Evelyn with you.  There should be a half bottle of Merrydown in the fridge if she's still being troubled by those pink elephants.  Just tell her it's a premier cru from the new Kwiksave "Pasdefrills" exclusive range and she'll swallow it. Sleep tight all three of you.  Tomorrow is another cacky day, as Clark Gable once wrote.

Oh yes, almost forgot. You also requested a soothing record for your Auntie Maureen who plays for Fulham F.C. and who finds it hard to get to sleep off the pitch.  No probs Dusty.  West London eh?  I know it well.  Did my Customer Care training there yonks ago (does it show?).  Fab place.  Used to see Dave Webb and Alan Hudson in the pub most afternoons.  Lovely lads.  Shared my artistic temperament they did.  Relaxed as newts.  I used to think Merrydown was the alternative name for the wishbone 'til I discovered them swigging away the afternoons in Holland Park.  Happy days.  They're probably dead by now.  Or playing for QPR.  Or both.

You never said which record your Auntie Maureen would like.  Leave it to me, Dusty, I'm a very intuitive guy.  Here you are Maureen.  Specially for you and your Fulham teammates "Blue Is The Colour".  Get stomping.

Your humble servant,

Conan Milosevic (Ms), Acting Customer Care Manager,

The Reeks Benefits Agency (Ireland's Number One Benefits Agency),

(Most of our highly motivated team have, or hope to apply for, work permits)

Remember our mission statement : OUR CUSTOMERS MUST KNOW NO BETTER