Results & Match Reports

The highlights this week:

• The History Men continued their epic run with a comfortable home win over the Electric Pigs

• Brains of Oak narrowly edged past Snoopy's Friends at the Oak

• Opsimaths kept up their breathtaking run of 2 wins on the trot with a win at home against the  X-Pats

• Albert broke their season's duck with a memorable win over Albert Park (I seem to remember that it took them a while to register their first win last year but once they got off the mark they were pretty unstoppable).  Our Fletcher Moss-based correspondent writes:

"Well, The Albert finally managed to secure a victory last night with  a close win over Albert Park 37 - 34.  Without doubt, the high spot of the evening came during the `Piece of Cake` round with the question `What is the French word for lightning?'  After much tension and huddled discussion from Albert Park, the answer came: 'Meringue'!!"

• St Caths just kept their unbeaten run going with a narrow win over Stumped in a thriller at the Cricket Club

St Caths and the History Men now share top spot, whilst a gaggle of teams nestle at the foot of the table each with just a single win under their belts.

Quiz Paper Verdict

Fifth Finger dropped down the table a little this week on account of being in the question-setting hot seat.  All feedback received agrees it was an excellent paper with a really enjoyable sporting venues picture round and many other good, fair questions.  In particular it was nice to have some maths questions that everyone could have a bash at.  The popularity of the paper is confirmed by the average aggregate score of 78.4 - by some way the highest so far this season.  The actual aggregates ranged from 71 (Albert/Albert Park) to a massive 86 (History Men/Pigs).

The Question of the Week

My vote for Question of the Week, perversely,  goes to one of the Spare questions (Q7):

Which is the longest month of the year?

Click here for the answer to this and all the other questions and answers from this week.

Fr Megson

Letter from the Reeks Benefits Agency Audit Team

This week we have received an important message for one of our teams (which was clearly written prior to last night's momentous events at the Fletcher Moss - see above):

To: Dusty and Buffalo Springfield.

From: Reeks Benefits Agency Audit Team.

A Chairde,

We note that you recently pursued a claim for 2 points in respect of the Albert Quiz Team.  We further note that you moaned like the proverbial Man Utd fan when you were in non-receipt of said points.  It has come to our attention from an anonymous and highly mercenary source (www.snooperswithfriendslikethese dot cotton) that no such establishment as the Albert exists in Didsbury or indeed in any adjacent or parallel universe excepting the one in Withington which is probably just a mirage from the 1970s.  We must therefore conclude that your claim is fraudulent.  It behoves me to inform you that I have consequently arranged for 2 points to be deducted from your Post Office account forthwith and without prejudice leaving you with a current credit rating of minus 2 points.  I must also ask Evelyn to return 27 hogsheads of vodka and tonic to our Distress Fund using the enclosed prepaid envelope.

You will be aware from several leading articles in that hallowed organ The Reeks Daily Mail (incorporating The South Kerry Lovely Girls on Lovely Tractors Gazette) that such fiscal abuse is running rampant in the Reeks.  Teams such as The V Fingers, St.Kathleens and The Histrionic Men continue to smuggle home unmerited points with brazen, dare I say, gay abandon thus bleeding our economy dry on a weekly basis.  Is it any wonder that The Reeks can only afford a literacy rate of 1.27% (if myself, Fr Megson and his Turf Accountant were to abscond to Amsterdam for a life of casual debauchery - just a pipedream at the moment, alas - then this figure would dip to -0.04%) - cause for concern I think you will agree.

Clearly this cannot be allowed to continue.  Our Dipstick Tribunal has consequently decided to award you an additional penalty, to wit: torture and death not exceeding disembowellment with a fairly hot poker.  You have of course the right to appeal but be advised that any unsuccessful appeal may serve to lengthen the poker.  Our departmental local authority and CORGI-approved disemboweller is currently keeping his hand in by attending a training course at Parrswood High.  Mindful of waiting time targets we have therefore tendered the job out to a private firm of cowboys (www.X-Pats dot cotton).  As their name suggests they have been ethnically cleansing Irishmen for generations now without complaint so you need have no cause for concern.  Just relax and go with the flow would be my advice.

Could you all please arrange to be in next Monday afternoon after 4pm as The X-Pats like to get an early start.  Fr Megson will drop round to assist you in your final agony but try to keep it short as he tends to throw terrible tantrums if he's not home in time for Blue Peter.  If you have any questions do not hesitate to confer.

Yours affectionately,

Arkan McArkle

Chief Auditor, Reeks Benefits Agency

PS. Forgive my levity at such a stressful time for you but I simply have to ask: Are you the Opsimaths in disguise?