Results & Match Reports

PLATE ROUND 3

• Ethel Rodin triumphed over St Caths, surging ahead in the last round after a tense and close match - incidentally Miss Rodin now claims at some stage of this season to have beaten every one of the teams that finished above her in the league  (according to ER archivist, Roz) - St Caths may still have the last laugh, however, since they go through to the Plate semis next week as the round's highest scoring losers

• Albert also go through to the Plate semis, after defeating the Pigs in another close fought match - the Pigs now retreat from the fray but have the honour of setting next week's paper

• In the third match of the evening the History Men earned the final place in the Plate semis following a thoroughly convincing win over the depleted triumvirate known as the Opsimaths

The detail of what this means for the next round of Plate matches is shown on the fixtures page.

Quiz Paper Verdict

This week's setters were the the Brains of Oak - and as one might expect, they gave us one of their trademark bingo quizzes.  I have had no comments from the teams and, as I was a non-participant this week, I can only go by the impression I got when putting the paper up on the website.  It seemed to carry the usual whimsical touch that the Brains always bring to their papers with quite a few "Well I never knew that!" moments.  The one about ancient Didsbury (Question 65) was a pearler (although I suspect that certain QMs found it infuriatingly long-winded).  Perhaps there was a little too much commentary alongside some of the answers for every taste.  Irish questions were there but did not hog too much airspace.  All in all another good paper, I'd say.

The average aggregate score this week was 68.7.  Actual aggregates around the games varied from 62 (Opsimaths/History Men) to 76 (St Caths/Ethel Rodin).

The Question of the Week

My vote for 'Question of the Week' award goes to (Question 43):

Which type of structure can be smock, post or tower?

(to see the answer to this and all the other questions click here)

Chatterbox

Thursdays et al

Over the past few weeks, as we approach our summer break, Opsimaths' post match chit chats have involved some exchange of views on how we run things (as well as the usual 'What shall we call ourselves next year?'  argument).  I suspect other teams have had similar chats.

I think it a good idea if 15/30 minutes at the start of the end of season do at the Albert Club on June 9th are devoted to representatives of each team discussing matters of mutual interest (including the Wednesday/Thursday topic dealt with in the feedback remarks below). 

The 2 big Opsimath proposals for change are: a) to start the season earlier (say mid September) and thus finish earlier (say early May) and b) to revert to more conventional Cup/Plate competitions which last no more than 4 weeks and allow the teams knocked out in the first round of the Cup a chance to dominate the Plate competition without being swamped by the big guns who get knocked out of the Cup in later rounds.  In other words the Plate should be (as far as is possible) exclusively for the lesser teams.

Below is the feedback received so far this season in the Wednesday evening/Thursday evening issue:

Feedback 1:

St Caths and X-Pats discussed this issue after their recent match and were firmly in favour of sticking to Wednesdays.

Feedback 2:

Copland has come back saying that Stumped also vote strongly against switching to Thursdays.

Feedback 3:

Mary O'Brien (Albert) favours keeping to Wednesday - at least until we've had a chance to debate the issue again at this season's gala night.

Feedback 4:

Ethel Rodin are finding Wednesdays at the Red Lion almost impossible to negotiate, what with wide- screens and football at every turn.  They would favour moving to Thursdays.

Feedback 5:

On balance the Fingers wish to stick with Wednesdays.

Fr Megson

A Very Unsporting Cup Final Build Up

With just two weeks to go to the Cup Final (except for viewers in the Northern Reeks who will have a second chance to hear The Rev. Ian Paisley in conversation with Graham Norton) intense pressure is building up within the seething cauldron that is The Griffin taproom, spiritual home of crisis boy-band Finger V.

As someone who has built his reputation on charity (more games thrown away than any other team this season) Fr. Megson has long been loathe to kick an opponent who is lying bloodied and senseless on the ground.  However, after much wrestling with his conscience, he now feels that this might in fact be the safest time and place to kick an opponent........ so here goes.

"History tells us that all evil Empires eventually crumble", mumbled Fr. Megson ex cathedra as he polished off his third cream egg in as many minutes," and Finger V are no exception.  This is a must win match for them. The directors of Holts demand instant gratification in the shape of cups and, frankly one measly league championship is scant return for all the beer that has been pumped into their underachieving guzzlers this season.  Admittedly their eccentric manager, Marshall Dillon, is not without a modicum of animal magnetism (witness the recent Curious Case Of The Dog In His Nightgown!), and his English has come on leaps and bounds since last season, but frankly I will be surprised if he is not back managing a kebab stall in Albania by the end of the summer.  He seems fated to lead teams to within a gnat's whisker of a double climax and then being asked to stand aside while someone else finishes off the job in hand.  Or at least that's my reading of the situation based on my extensive knowledge of Barbara Cartland novels."

However our fastidious cleric is taking nothing for granted.

"I did not get where I am today by not doing my homework (and I still have the three smiley faces and the Zeta+ mark I received for my Why Sassenach children are boring, with particular reference to The Janet and John oeuvres dissertation back in 1959 to prove it).  I have done a complete statistical analysis of the opposition's strengths and weaknesses and unfortunately it proves that they still have at least a mathematical chance of beating us on the night.  My greatest fear is that they might get a question on local football teams right - thus becoming the first mortals to correctly answer the vexed question of Manchester City since the heady days of Joe Mercer.  Such a lucky break might give them the impetus to go on and finish with a score approaching double figures and I don't think even the finely honed Brains of Oak could compete at that level.

"That is why I am now asking for your assistance in a local campaign I am organising (vendetta is an ugly word, don't you think?).  If anyone out there can lay their hands on a klaxon of any kind, or a dog that likes to howl for some tender loving throughout the night, can they please bring them along at midnight for the next two weeks and I will give you further instructions when we meet up initially at: Dunwinnin, 16 Spatchcock Mews M20?  You can find the home addresses of the other members of Finger V simply by tuning in to 'www.weknowwhereyoulive.dot cotton' or from any good police station.

"Additionally I have invited the vociferous fan club of a well known and successful Irish stand up comedian to come along and chant the name of their hero under the bedroom window.  A loud chorus of 'Dylan Moran forever' should be enough to eat away the final vestiges of their manager's flimsy self-belief.

"And thanks finally to Mike Heale for promising to come along each night and serenade our rapidly disintegrating opposition with his inimitable rendition of Morrissey's greatest hits.  I never fail to be amazed at Mike's uncanny ability to mimic that plaintive note of disaffected alienation that has, over the years, made Morrissey Manchester's best loved wuss."

Fr. Megson broke off at this point to go and book an open-topped Magic Bus for the victorious homecoming parade.  He certainly lives the dream, doesn't he?