No Fr. Megson this week since he has accepted a lucrative missionary position in Eastern Europe.  He will be hurtling around Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania on the Baltic Rail Express - not to be confused with the Balti Express which hurtles only between West Bromwich and Edgbaston on a Friday night after the pubs close.

Having closely observed Kirsty Wark's BBC series NEW EUROPE, Fr. M. is blissfully aware that the countries in question seem only to be inhabited by a giant race of blonde females, none of whom are legally allowed to be under 6 foot 3 inches in their dainty ankle socks.  Coming from the Northern Reeks, where no female is legally allowed to exceed 5 foot 1 inch, Fr. Megson has obviously got his work cut out but he has always been keen to have a go at holding down a missionary position and we have to admire his selflessness, his pluck and his grossly misplaced optimism.

If you are all very good he will bring you back something nice from the Baltics. Sorry, Ivor, taking 6foot 3 inch blondes out of the country is frowned upon over there.  But I might be able to get you a new plate to replace the one you so carelessly lost last season.  There's a loaf and a tin of mushy peas in the fridge and a pint of milk cooling on the bathroom window ledge, so you shouldn't starve.  Oh, and don't forget to turn the radiators off before you lift Baby Tolin out of his playpen.