A Chairde,

Fr Megson and his soulmate in adversity, Sven Goran Erikson,  are still wringing their heads in anguish over last week's setbacks but, despite the hate mail, both managers remain remarkably upbeat.

"Ja, forsure, we were maybe unlucky not to come away with something after this six goal thriller.  But that is football, forsure, or maybe perhaps it is cricket.  I am not sure.  I think that if we play like this every week then perhaps, maybe, forsure, foolish  people will stop saying that we are inconsistent.  I am wondering now if you need to be a member of Vespers gentlemen's club or is it that it is allowed to pay on the door?  Also, is it that you are maybe perhaps allowed to join in with the young ladies who are dancing on the revolving stage?  I must wear, forsure,  pristine underpants".

Fr Megson has been rested this week and has been advised by the team psychologist to remain in hiding.  He is however very appreciative of the massive public support he has received.  In towns and cities all over Britain, notably  in Bolton and in Leicester, tens of people turned out to chant his name and effigies were burned.

Luckily for him it is now that time of year when quiz fever gives way to the frenzied excitement of the annual Blessing of the Graves.  In a remarkable show of confidence the Bishop of Bath without Wells has this year entrusted Fr  Megson with the prestigious task of blessing the unmarked graves.

"Any eejit can bless the graveyard graves", he pontificated loudly ex cathedra, "but it takes a particular kind of eejit to traipse across Europe blessing the unmarked graves.  It should get him out of my hair, sorry, diocese for at least three years.  I am not unmindful of the fact that during his time in the parish  paganism has become the official religion of choice in the Ladybarn area.  In a recent exit poll conducted outside his church shortly after the beginning of mass 78% of the congregation admitted to having partaken of phallic worship whilst only 7% had seen SONGS OF PRAISE in the past five years.  Of this 7%, over 4.6% admitted that they only watched SONGS OF PRAISE in the hope that it might show a bit of phallic worship.  A worrying trend indeed".

" It is indeed a great honour to be chosen to bless the unmarked graves",  beamed a delighted Fr Megson.  "Domine, non sum dignus, but I'll give it a bash. It will be fierce, long and thirsty work though and I'll need lots of overtime and pub breaks.  Withington alone will take about three weeks.  Every garden in the area is a potential unmarked grave.  We have to remember that crimes of passion were a very popular pastime in Edwardian Withington.  They were a bit like the TV soaps of today but a lot more interactive, of course.  God alone knows how many discarded spouses there are out there....not to mention the milkmen.  Records from Heald's Dairy show that of the 92 milkmen who went out on their rounds week commencing 25th August 1902, only 11 made it back to the depot.  And 2 of these 11 later succumbed to massive groin injuries. 

I think it would be a really good idea to build a memorial outside Withington  Library in honour of all the milkmen who were killed in action on the job or  wounded at the front.  After all, many of them could have been our great grandfathers though obviously nobody would be terribly sure about that.....

Fr. Megson