A fresh season of mental malfunction and stunted ambition is once again upon us and hope springs eternal in Fr. Megson's pert yet manly bosom.

"Bring me my pint of burning gold, bring me my arrows of desire", he croons happily as he manhandles his team into a sitting up position in the famed Stadium of Murk (briefly known over the summer as "The  Enlightened  Palace of Celestial Murk"  in homage to the Beijing Olympics).  Indeed much of Fr Megson's misplaced optimism is drawn from the recent Olympiad.

"It just goes to show what can be achieved even if you are born a bit of an eejit", he beamed.  "All you need is the ability to forego the pleasures of youth like going out drinking and then kissing girls and  getting sick, and concentrate instead on doing interesting things like riding a bike with funny wheels, or taking up residence for four or five years in the local swimming pool.  Don't worry your pretty little head about being called 'Norman no mates' - sure there'll be plenty of time to be antisocial when you get your medal."

I have to say, though, that I was a bit disappointed with the Team Reeks overall performance.  One miraculous medal in the Mixed Doubles Bog-Snorkelling event was a pretty poor haul compared to team GB.  Mind you, it has to be remembered that most of the team GB success came in either sitting down or lying down events and just try sitting down or lying down on top of Carrauntoohil every night for 4 or 5 years and see where that gets you.  For similar reasons Yngling class sailing has been slow to catch on as a favoured pastime in the Carrauntoohil parish.  And as for dressage - well, as yet there is no equivalent event for donkeys and  you would need to pick an awful lot of spuds to be able to afford to buy your wee girl a dancing horse for Christmas!

But fair play to the lot of them: they played as a team and that's what I want this lot to do this season.  Why do people always laugh when I say that?  If only I could get our Brazilian playmaker Roisinho to stop sulking and sign her new contract, we're quite willing to give her an extra bottle of Beck's every other week.  But, oh no, that's not good enough for her. She's been a right little madam ever since that night she got tapped up by the Electric Pigs.  All of a sudden she wants to play for a team that wins things.  Personally I think it's more to do with playing for a team that is likely to have twelve fittish young men crammed into the post match shower cubicle.

In a clever move to ensure that somebody else gets the blame this season Meggers has allowed himself to be kicked upstairs at the Stadium of Murk (is'nt the Ladies loo up there? - ed ) as the newly appointed Director of Quizzing.  Several candidates from various teams have already been interviewed over the summer with a view to filling the vacant Manager's position.  The general standard of those interviewed was impressively dim but unfortunately none of them was stupid enough to accept the post.  Consequently the Charabancs will henceforth be managed by a different 'Guest' Manager each week.  This policy has already paid rich dividends for the team at Have I Got News For You and for that other well known team of jokers, Newcastle United FC.

In the hot seat for their first home match will be Kevin Keegan, the self-styled people's choice.  Kevin is known to have a track suit and a proven track record in leaving a lot of questions unanswered so he should feel at home amongst the Charabancs.  The match is scheduled to end at 11.45pm and Kevin has vowed that he will stay right to the bitter end.  Obviously though, if we fall behind in the first round he may be forced to reconsider his options.

Come along early to avoid disappointment.

Fr. M