Electric Pigs are now seriously worried about the possibility of being put up for re-election at the end of the season after a fairly decisive defeat at home to TMTCH

History Men squeak ahead of the Prodigals in a low-scoring bout at the Red labelled by our correspondent as a 'constipator' of a quiz - History woman Anne was again the star with 4 '2s'

Mary reports that the Bards and Albert found the paper pretty tough going at the noisy Met.  At the Swan, however, Kieran and Damian both agreed that a challenging paper was redeemed by interesting subject matter and a new twist in the bingo rounds where the question number formed a key element of the actual question.  Kieran comments:

"We liked the numbers twist on the bingo format, our best prediction being Paul Hardcastle for 19.  We correctly predicted quite a few of the bingo questions in advance which helped us pile on the points in the second half.  Just reward perhaps for some canny deductions. 

Question of the week?  Well for the creatures that mate for six hours and then fire pieces of chalk Martin, a teacher, suggested ........ teachers! Nasty thought."

...and Damian adds:

Who was the only one of the Twelve Apostles to die of natural causes?

Events at crisis club Charabancs of Fire continue to dominate the front and back pages of the Withington Deporter this week.  I have to say that MURKY HANKY-PANKY AT STADIUM OF MURK makes a more riveting headline than their usual LOCAL HOUSEWIFE ALMOST INCINERATED IN NARROWLY AVERTED CHIP PAN FIRE INCIDENT exclusives.

So what exactly is going on?  Have current owners, the shady consortium of Ladybarn pub and Bessarabian strip club owners gone bust?  Is the Inland Revenue poised to send in the receivers? (The sensationalist piece in the Deporter yesterday about retrievers being sent in was an unfortunate misprint; police confirmed that only experienced and specially trained alsatians will be allowed to accompany them when gaining entry to the White Swan.)

Will a rich Rusholme ghee billionaire step in with an offer thus allowing the present owners to launder enough money to pay the leccy bill for another week?  Withquiz sent along Mike Bath, its most senior cub reporter, to winkle out some inside information from beleaguered club manager and well known Friar's Balsam addict, Fr Megson.  Can Mike become the first person this season to get a sensible answer from a Charabanc?  Can he fcek!  We should warn you that this interview contains more blood, strong language and nudity than your average birthing pool.     
    
MB:   "Another abject performance on Wednesday, Father. You seemed to wilt after the first half."

FM:   "Well yes, it happens from time to time.  I was a bit tired and emotional and you know what those beds are like in cheap hotel rooms....... hang on....who the fcek told you?...I gave that oul'  bint my last 50p to stop her talking to the papers.  I'll give her a crack on the head with me thurible next time I get to swing it in public, the deceitful  hoo....."

MB:   "I meant the Charabancs, Father."

FM:    "Did them fcekers lose again?  Nobody around here never tells me anything.  How the fcek can I be a successful manager when my team can't even remember to tell me how they got on.  In fairness though we've had a terrible run of injuries, not all of a sexual nature.  Damo was rushed to hospital  recently after I was forced to bang his head on the table for foul and abusive blurting.  I'm happy to say that his brain scan results came back negative so he should be back to normal for the big match on Wednesday.  And of course our record foreign signing, Ivan Denisovich, who cost the club well in excess of four rotten spuds and a spitoonful of dimps, is still out after that unfortunate incident with the roll-on deodorant stick.  The physio says he won't be able to walk without a grimace for the rest of the season.  It's very sad of course ...but how a so called intelligent quiz international could misconstrue the simple instruction 'unscrew top and push up bottom' is beyond my understanding."

MB:  "Ouch, I feel faint..."

FM:  "Quite so, my dear boy. Care for a swig of my Friar's Balsam?"

MB:  "Don't mind if I do..........Good shtuff thish.  It's not looking good Father (hic...) two defeats on the trot and up against SPW on Wednesday.  Do you think the Charas have any hope of avoiding the dreaded 'even fcekin stupider than TMTCH' tag this season?"

FM:   "How dare you swear in the presence of a priest, ye fcekin cur.  And stop drinking me Balsam. No, three defeats in a row would be unthinkable.  I think I might pop down to the Turf Accountant and wager a fiver on them hoors in the Griffin."

MB:  "Finally Father on a lighter note, do you still do that religion thing to help you relax after a hard week's quizzing?"