Ethel Rodin clocked up their first victory since November by beating Calluna Pussycats down in deepest Ladybarn

Compulsory Meat Raffle chalked up their fifth victory of the season winning at home against Albert.  Rachael writes in:

"It was close for most of the match until we extended our lead towards the end by taking a few fortuitous 2-pointers.  It was lovely to play Albert who once again were great opponents." 

In what was a long, absorbing and ultimately unbearably exciting evening's quiz contest at the Albert Club, the Opsimaths managed to end SPW's fantastic sequence of success.  SPW have never been triumphalist in victory (my God they've had enough opportunities) and, despite some rather raucous barracking from the Opsimaths overseas fanbase, they were unerringly magnanimous in defeat.  Barry, Martin, Bob and Kieran - you must know that my dance of victory and assault on the curtain divider when Tooting Bec closely followed by The Dun Cow went in the hole, was a roundabout tribute to the extent to which victory over SPW matters to all the other teams.  And from the Opsimath stato, Howell, a welcome piece of news for yours truly....apparently this week was the first time since December 12th 2007 against Ethel Rodin that I have been the Opsimaths' top scorer in a game that we've won.  So there!  The performance of a true Opsimath!  And finally Kieran drops a post-coital line (actually that's really unfair since it was anything but a stuffing):

"Congratulations to the Opsimaths.  You played a great game on the season's best paper so far and thoroughly deserved your win. We were justifiably proud of that long winning sequence.  Now I guess we'll just have to start building it again.  Best Wednesday evening of the season so far and superbly well done to the Historymen for being honourable and decent in the WIST Cup and still triumphing. Virtue is not always solely its own reward!  Many congratulations again but we're not going to give up our title easily so bring on the Pigs, the Prodigals and the rest!  Slainte."

This week's paper was set by The Men They Couldn't Hang.

For me this was, by some way, the best paper of the season.  The Men on top form yet again.  Brilliantly executed themes, plenty of penny drop moments, and an evening's worth of interesting conversation to be had on the back of the subject matter in pretty well every round.  Of course I am in some sort of seventh heaven right now having scrabbled Tooting Bec from the recesses of my greying noddle to get the edge over SPW at the last and end their incredible sequence of success.  The post-match conflab revealed that Kieran and co. pretty much agreed with the Opsimaths' verdict on the paper.  The Bards and The Prodigals in the room next door seemed to have had a pretty cheerful evening too.

Rachael comments from The Victoria:

"The paper seemed to go down very well.  Some of the themes were a bit hard to spot and we're not entirely sure what the difference between a connection and a theme is, but it was a really varied and challenging quiz which we thoroughly enjoyed.  Even though a fair few questions went unanswered, we learned loads of new facts from it!"

....and Ivor's verdict from the Red:

"The star of the evening was the quiz itself.  Once again, the inventiveness of the Men's themes/connections put the rest of us to shame (how can anyone follow that next week - and it's us setting!!)."

....and Andrew chips in from the Fletcher Moss commenting on Round 3:

"A superb deception, sucking us in with double consonants only to leave us high and dry with the answer to the penultimate question of the round.  Our nomination for QotW goes to Round 4 Question7 about the member for Limehouse."

Damian's feedback on behalf of the Charas strikes a note only a tad less ecstatic than those above:

"TMTCH's questions were their usual mixture of the interesting and obscure, but it was all beautifully crafted and well-thought out in the manner we've come to expect from them.  The subtlety of some of the themes was most impressive although we couldn't help but ponder the value of trying to connect the Dad's Army theme round (which we got) with some pub that Bush and Blair apparently visited in God knows whenever!  But that was a minor quibble.  Humiliation of the night was the total failure of the three born-and-bred Catholics on our team to recognize the papal round.  Even our reverend captain Father M was scratching the remains of his tonsure at the idea of a Pope Felix but thank God for our resident atheist John whose knowledge of popes is second only in the league to the good Protestant boy Ivor."

This week the Historymen, the Opsimaths and SPW all go for Round 8 Question 6:

Which Gordonstoun-educated archaeologist has had the recently completed section of the Derby ring road that connects Burton Road to Normanton Road named in her honour?

As we move into February 2011 it now seems increasingly likely that Ladybarn's much hyped cultural renaissance will be stillborn.  Figures released by the Coalition last night show that the tiny feudal fiefdom is now the least cultural suburb in the whole of Europe.  Slobozia in Transnistria, which abuts the town of  Bender like a badly inflamed prostate and, which previously held Europe's cultural wooden spoon, is slowly but surely  climbing out of the relegation zone following an innovative and far-sighted amendment to their legislation which now makes it much more unlikely that anybody found carrying a library card will have their eyes gouged out and their female relatives sold into sex slavery in nearby Moldova.  Ladybarn must now hope that they can come away from an awkward away fixture in the back streets of Grozny next Wednesday night with at least a point if they are to avoid the drop to the Suburb of Subculture League Division 2 (sponsored by Kansas Fried Chicken) next season.

Mr Cameron and his Coalition catamites were said to be viewing the deepening crisis with growing concern from behind the sofa in Downing Street.  There were also fears that Biffo, Ireland's greatest cultural icon since Father Jack, who is currently in London holding exploratory talks with Poundland about a possible buyout of the Irish economy, would pop in for a cup of tea and refuse to leave until March at the earliest.

There was, however, some welcome relief for the beleaguered citizens of Ladybarn when it was announced that a state visit by the Culture secretary, Mr Hunt, to the Stadium of Murk had been cancelled after police were unable to guarantee that his name would not be mispronounced in a wanton and provocative manner by a disaffected member of the local clergy who cannot be named for legal reasons (but see p15: GRAUNIAD NAMES MAGSON AS DISINFECTED PREEST).

In a separate move to avert the crisis Dusty has made good her undertaking to send strongly worded begging letters to various deceased Irish literary giants.  To date only one of them has had the courtesy to reply via a specially convened seance in the Stadium of Murk.  Locals gasped in disbelief as Mr Dusty fell into a trance-like state shortly after consuming his customary two dozen bottles of Old Tom and when he awoke the following message was scrawled on the back of his Sweet Afton packet:

"SAT MORN - NB - POP INTO CHEMIST'S TO COLLECT SPECIAL PACKAGE ON WAY HOME FROM DISCOUNT BOOZE.  IF DUSTY GETS SUSPICIOUS TELL HER YOU WERE IN THE FISH SHOP

(followed by)

"Dear Mrs Dusty,

Kindly desist in future from disturbing my well earned eternal rest and please note that my name is, and always has been, Samuel Beckett not Lemuel Feckitt as you seem to think.  I can categorically assure you that I have no interest whatsoever in penning a new play for the Ladybarn culture fest.  Where is Ladybarn anyway?  Nobody up here has ever heard of it though the mention of your friend Fr Megson did cause a prolonged gnashing of teeth.  As a one-off I will, however, attempt to inspire your rather paltry brain to conceive a minor classic to be written in my own fair style.  Be in your boudoir early tonight with sharpened pencil and rubber at the ready.  Probably best to tell Mr Dusty that you have a headache.

Yours in spirit if not in body,

Samuel

PS: In answer to your rather philistine question, "What's eternity like and does it be gettin' on yer  fcekin tits?", I have to say that I'm rather enjoying it.  It's a bit like a speeded up version of being at a cricket match."