Only one story tonight - the Bards gain the WithQuiz bragging rights as they put the Fairies to the sword at the Cricket Club

TMTCH were nip and tuck with the Opsimaths to half time but then bombed completely amassing only 2 points in Rounds 5, 6 and 7, and eventually losing by a 17 point margin.  With all but the vault at The Parrswood closed for decoration the two teams decided to move venue at the last minute to the Cricket Club.

The Prodigals lost at home to the Historymen.  Ivor sums up enigmatically (are the Historymen revolting?):

"A pleasant evening at the Albert Club and, at last, we didn't let the lead slip. My captaincy is assured for at least one further week.  I’ll report more about this on the message board later."

Compulsory Meat Raffle lost to the  Electric Pigs in a close fought match at The Turnpike.  Gary reports:

"In a quiz of extreme fluctuations both teams entered the last round on level pegging.  The final fluctuation saw the Pigs win the round 6-0 and take victory.".

In a tense contest at the Cricket Club a full strength Bards beat a full strength Smoke Fairies by a convincing 16 point margin.  Maybe this was just a Smoke Fairies off day, or just maybe this represents a changing of the guard at the top.  At any rate there were no quibbles from the Fairies about the paper, admitting they had been beaten fair and square by the better team on the night.

Albert beat the Charabancs in what Mary describes as a most enjoyable match at the Fletcher Moss.  Chara Damian, back from Bruges, reports in:

"This was a quiz we were just never in. The Albert led in every single round and we just couldn't catch them up.  How could we possibly compete with Evelyn's unrivalled knowledge of peek-a-boo boxers?"

This week's paper was set by Ethel Rodin.  By general consent it was tough notching up the lowest average aggregate score of the season so far at a measly 55.4 points.

In the TMTCH/Opsimaths contest there were 20 unanswerables which is too high.  However Gary from the Pigs reports that it was "a very good quiz paper" and other feedback suggests most teams enjoyed the craft that had gone into constructing the paper.  When we came to discuss candidates for Question of the Week at the Cricket Club there were plenty of good'uns to dismiss before we came up with our choice.  The pair about the north west Formula One venue and the Rolls Royce manufacturing site (Round 1 Questions 5 and 6) gained praise from a number of quarters.  The lone themed round was well crafted and the four picture questions in Round 5 spiced things up nicely.

Ivor wasn't quite so happy at the Club:

This week the Hangmen, the Opsimaths, Albert and the Charabancs all vote for Round 8 Question 7:

Who went around trying to sell cardium edule and mytilus edulis?

To celebrate the impending appearance of an interview with His Honour Bard Tony Hammond in The Sunday Times we republish an earlier interview with His Honour conducted in 2003 by our very own WithQuiz Reeks correspondent:

Legend tells us that on St. George's Day 2003 the white Knights of The Companions of St. Snoopy did mortal battle with the noisome maiden-mauling, vindaloo-swilling Braggarts of Griff.  Today to mark the Millennium of this, the kid sister of all battles, we revisit Snoopy and, in the tired and detested format of a more famous but less worthy Saturday supplement, we subject them to a toe-curlingly fatuous Q + A session.  No names have been changed to protect the innocent and it should be noted that the editor is insolvent as he had to buy another loaf at lunchtime. 

Home for Snoopy's Friends is a large detached neo-Romany caravan which clings idyllically but frantically to the westernmost tip of the third Reek from the sun.  When I arrive I find that all the others have gone out otter-tagging leaving the paterfamilias to field my questions unconferred - thus at a stroke doubling the fee.  I am surprised to find that he is in fact Sassenach-born, a cross he seems to bear with good humour and great fortitude.  Looking cool yet reassuringly avuncular in a cerise kaftan with matching deerstalker and bedsocks he drapes himself luxuriously across an accommodating ottoman and, sucking ruminatively on his meerschaum, signals me to begin: 

Q:  Firstly, a question often asked by housewives who can't resist a flutter on you, is 'Snoopy's Friends' your real name?

A:  (Laughing and peeling a kumquat).  Good Heavens, no.  No that name goes back to the early 90's when we were big in the world of rap music.  We have kept it partly for reasons of nostalgia and partly to confuse the tax man.  No, our real name is 'The Wife and Bairns of Judge Roy Bean'. 

Q:  When did you first break into the world of TV stardom?

A:  I think it was in 1685 (gosh I'm showing my age now!) when we were lucky enough to be asked to host the popular light entertainment programme 'Sunday Night At The Bloody Assizes' .  Do you remember 'Beat the Clock-Watcher'? That was our idea.  Of course not many people had clocks or even TVs in those innocent days. 

Q:  Do you believe in Life?

A:  Yes.  Especially for those irritating people who insist on reusing partly franked postage stamps. 

Q:  And Death?

A:  If the black cap fits. 

Q:  And Life after Death?

A:  No. The quality of mercy is not strained but droppeth like a gentle Fr. Megson from the Premiership.  Ergo, the two sentences should be allowed to run concurrently. 

Q:  And less boringly, what's your favourite Boy Band?

A:  (Polishing a papaya with gusto).  Atomic Kitten. 

Q:  What is your greatest strength?

A:  An esoteric knowledge of Irish geography.  My family has had moles in the Reeks for centuries and they keep us fully informed.  And before you ask we don't have any weaknesses.  Incidentally, did you know that the medieval Reeks were divided into 14 ridings just like Somerset?  Marvellous! 

Q:  What is your favourite smell?

A:  Exhibit "A" from The Crown versus Keith Moon at The Old Bailey in September 1972. 

Q:  And your favourite fantasy?

A:  It used to be coming off the bench, still in my robes, to score the winning goal in the All-Ireland Hurling final (a more dapper version of that chap in the Guinness advert).  I can't really discuss my more recent one as it is currently sub judice - anyway it's none of your business, slaphead! 

Q:  What keeps you awake at night?

A:  Dangling participles, Schrödinger's Cat and bad-boy Braggarts throwing stones at my window. 

Q:  Should the Royal Family be scrapped?

A:  No, not all of them.  Just the big fat geezer in the armchair.  He should be ashamed of himself, he should. 

Q:  How would you define a perfect question?

A:  One that is left hanging in the air for a while before it is allowed to go begging. 

Q:  What is the one most important lesson that Latin has taught you in life?

A:  (Looking darkly into his half-eaten pomegranate) "Mens imbuta vino volat ad pudenda." 

Q:  If you could take only one dyslexic anagram with you to your Desert Island to remind you of your colleagues in the Reeks quiz league which one would you choose.

A:  GRABING FFRIGG-RATS. 

Q:  Finally, how would you like to be remembered?

A:  Instantaneously and for 2 points (imagine the ignominy if my family had to confer!). 

Fr Megson 

Editor's note: