WITHQUIZ

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14th October 2015

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Wins for the Opsis, DD, Ethel, the Prodigals and the Charas

Results & Match Reports

The History Men lost to The Prodigals as Ivor admits....

"The return from Japan of Young Dave (42) did not save us from a third consecutive defeat (our worst run since, well, last season).  Dave Rainford was on great form tonight and his run of seven 2s was only brought to an end by Joan Sanderson.  As with all of our meetings with the Prodigals there was humour, banter and craic of the first magnitude so we never really mind who wins or loses."

 

The Opsimaths beat The Men They Couldn't Hang at the Albert Club.  The result was much more decisive than was warranted by the apparent slight gap between the teams on the night.  Graham on the gee gees and Dave on any football questions featuring teams that have never been bothered by the need to find out how to get around Europe, were imperious.  Opsimath Nick, however, was similarly inspired (apart from the time he allowed me to talk him out of the Virgin Mary and into John, the Baptist).  Gary Donely was an excellent QM - clear and patient and never needing to make excuses for the Pigs paper (which was excellent).  Indeed the only complaint over the paper came from an aggrieved football fan (from Wearside via New Mills) who claimed that David Speedie learned all he needed to know about football at the beloved Darlo, never mind Chelsea, Coventry, Liverpool, etc.

 

Dunkin' Dönitz beat The Bards at the Griffin.  Kieran, understandably ecstatic at having vanquished one of their main rivals, reflects on the evening....

"David said he thought the phrase 'titanic struggle' would feature in the match report and so it has.  Rounds 2 and 3 were odd in that we won Round 2 by 8 points to 2 and the Bards promptly returned our fire by taking Round 3 by 8 to 3.  At the end of that the score was 15 all and thereafter the end of round scores were level, plus 2 to the Bards, plus 1 to the Donuts, level again and finally we ran out winners by three.

A terrific battle, both teams at full strength, 23 twos between us and only 6 questions unanswered.  The type of game which should ensure the TV rights go for a 40% premium when the next round is auctioned.  Thoroughly enjoyable evening, we hope we can come close to providing something as good next week."

 

Compulsory Mantis Shrimp lost to The Charabancs of Fire who recorded their first victory of the new season.  Damian tells the tale....

"Despite a quiet, peaceful evening at the Turnpike being rudely interrupted by an invasion of noisy students around 10 o'clock (I daresay someone's been blabbing again about the cheap and drinkable beer), The Charas managed to get onto the scoreboard with our first victory of the season over an albeit depleted 3-man team of Shrimpers in our first derby match of the season. We're earnestly hoping it won't be our last."

 

Albert lost to Ethel Rodin in a close run affair at the Fletcher Moss.  Andrew from the setting Pigs acted as QM and was able to bask in the satisfaction of a good paper much appreciated.  Losing skipper Ashton (Mike O'Brien was away) reports....

"With Mike and the paddle away on their annual pilgrimage to the battlefields, it falls to me to report that my blurt on the Moses question cost us a draw.  I can feel an icy blast from the Western Front already.  Half rations and confined to barracks for me I suspect next week."

...whilst a somewhat cheerier James tells the tale from the winner's enclosure....

"A good quiz.  Neck and neck throughout.  Quite a few conferred that could have been 2s - and quite a few conferred that ended up as 0s - but that was so for both teams."

Quiz Paper Verdict

This week the questions were set by The Electric Pigs.

Everyone seemed to enjoy this - even the losing teams.  Kieran sums up for the Bards and Dunkers...

"An excellent Pigs paper contributed much to the evening, apart of course from the Fried Green Tomatoes howler.  The nominative determinism round was particularly good and there was enough in most of the questions to allow the teams to work out many answers that they didn't know straight off."

...and Ashton on behalf of the Albert team....

"Although fairly low scoring, the paper was full of interest with lots of answers just tantalisingly out of reach (for me anyway).  I'm sure I could have dredged David Speedie up from somewhere but it may have taken hours rather than minutes.  Guest QM Electric Pig, Andrew Duff-Link, feared that the round where each person in the answers enjoyed a name that sort of reflected their role in life would prove unpopular, and neither we nor Ethel were going to disabuse him of that notion."

....and James on behalf of Ms Rodin....

"My joke that round 6 (with its answers describing the characters) was set by Dave Shyte might be unpublishable.  QotW: the one with the various spouses."

...and Ivor from the Red...

"The quiz was quite high scoring and only 4 unanswered questions.  Some of the questions were of the kind that invite two or more possible answers (only one correct of course) and perhaps we fell into rather more of the traps than the Prodigals.  QotW: the Franklin quotation.

 Some of the questions were very long.  I presume the Pigs (like ourselves) have decided to eschew the new directive on extraneous information and the quiz is better for it."

...and Damian from the Turnpike....

"The Piggies Paper clearly suited us more than it did our opponents as we led in every round but one and surged steadily ahead from Round 4 onwards. The profusion of football and cricket questions completely bypassed Yours Truly but fortunately our Irish and Yorkshire correspondents were well capable of taking up the slack on those particular subjects. We found the level of difficulty fluctuated widely throughout and, contrary to what clearly went on with some teams, there were not as many 2s scored (10 altogether breaking at 7-3 to us) which mostly came towards the end of the paper.  We didn't get many of the themes but, like most other people, kicked ourselves black and blue for not getting the sound-alike countries which we promptly voted as Best Theme of The Evening!

QotW: The Shrimpers concurred with us in selecting the one about Benjamin Franklin's disapproval of the character selected to represent his country.

SIotW (Surprising Information of The Week):  On being informed that there was a 1971 film called Fried Green Tomatoes. That stumped everybody. We  were led to suppose that the more familiar 1991 version may have been a sequel starring the same cast?  Then again, maybe it was just a typo?"
 

Finally, at the Albert Club, we found the paper underpinned a most enjoyable evening.  The themes were, by and large, pitched just right with our favourite being the 'sound-alike countries' one which neither team got, but both teams kicked themselves for not spotting.  The round with answers containing names that sort of reflected the person's job was a great idea but didn't really come off.  In particular Graham took great exception to the implication in question 5 that all boxing promoters are criminals!

The Question of the Week

This week The Men They Couldn't Hang select Round 6 Question 3:

Who is the only ordained minister to have played Test cricket for England?  He twice captained England and was Bishop of Liverpool from 1975 to 1997.  On the 1962/3 MCC tour of Australia, on dropping Neil Harvey off Fred Trueman's bowling, Fiery Fred was famously said to have rebuked him thus: "The only time you have your hands together is on a Sunday!"

For the answer to this and all the week's questions click here

Chatterbox

I thought you'd be interested in a report received during the week from one of our correspondents....

Father Megson

'Summoned by Bells'

Father Megson is a great fan of early morning radio and always wakes up to Bells on Sunday.  Cheap and nasty stuff, to be sure, but someone has to drink it.  His ambition is to one day become a bishop and then he could afford to wake up to a decent malt.  If he did really well at the interview he might even be offered an archbishop's stipend and then he could afford to pour Lagavulin over his Coco Pops.  Heaven knows what he would drink if they gave him a cardinal's biretta and pay packet.  There was a fair chance that he would never wake up at all.  That was the trouble with ambition - it killed you.  Wiser and healthier to stay in bed and drink Bells.

Raising his glass, he gave thanks to his Maker for making him healthy and wise and then threw in an extra Hail Mary to make up for the mass he would not be saying later on.  He was sorry to disappoint God and his congregation at such short notice for the third Sunday running but it would be disrespectful to both parties to celebrate the miracle of the Transubstantiation in his darned socks.  And getting brogues on over that toe was out of the question.  The fourth toe in from the right on his left foot - his kicking foot, to boot - was now a cauldron of red hot pain.  He muttered a quick Glory Be to thank the baby Jesus for the Bells without which he doubted he could stay in this vale of tears a moment longer. 

Too agitated to sleep, Father Megson reached for his texter machine.  A dozen overnight messages from Dusty, seven of them foul, four abusive and one informing him that she was a martyr to her bunions.  "Martyr, my erse", he muttered to himself, everybody's a fcekin martyr these days.  Some people would do anything for the promise of a quick shag in the next life.  Like most women Dusty spent too much time reading religious pamphlets and not enough time peeling the spuds.  Not her fault of course; the real blame lay with them puffed up Redemptorists and yuppie Jesuits who churned out such drivel and sold it for a tanner a sheet in the porch every Sunday.  Young bucks with degrees in creative writing and friggin' comparative theology who raked in a fortune flogging their fictions to a captive congregation still intoxicated by religion and stunned by sobriety in that fatal half hour between the end of mass and the opening of the pubs.  Young bucks who would probably succumb to a fainting fit if they witnessed some poor wretch having his privy parts lopped off or having his toe brutally stubbed in real life.  No, such people should not speak of martyrdom.  When he was strong enough to wield a pen he would show them how it should be done.  He would  tell the world about his toe and his chastened parishioners would weep and wring their hands and say "Oh Father, you are a true martyr to your toe.  If only you had not been so brave, if only you had shared your pain.  And how can you ever forgive us for thinking that you were nothing but a lazy, sozzled lard arse, a stinking carcass, more dunghill than priest?"

Yep, there was good money to be made in the world of misery memoirs.  Get his pamphlet out in time for the Christmas rush and he might yet be pouring Lagavulin over his Coco Pops.

He was feeling better now.  He would have a little sleep and then hobble down to the off-licence to get some more medicine.  He might even pop into the training ground to motivate the quiz team.  Never an easy task at the best of times and practically impossible when you had lost the use of your kicking foot.  Traditionally the Charabancs were slow starters, sometimes not knowing anything until well into the Lenten period.  He bitterly recalled one crapulent, vendetta-ridden bloodbath of a season when their first two-pointer did not arrive until St Swithin's Day when all the other teams were already on the beach.  That left a lot of catching up to do especially when some of the other teams (he would try not to conjure up images of them hoors in the Griffin as it would only make his kicking foot throb even more) were up and out of the traps in October like fcekin beagles in search of a damp groin.

Yes, he concluded, as he was once more summoned by Bells, this was going to be a challenging season.  He would need lots of sleep and Bells to get him through it.  Most martyrs were given just one cross to bear.  God had seen fit to land him with four.  Five, if you included his toe.